


open up your arms and save my life

by youforget



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, M/M, Mentions of PTSD, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, a little bit of spoilers, pretty much fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-19 06:44:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1459774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youforget/pseuds/youforget
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?" </i>- Mark Twain </p>
<p>or</p>
<p>Steve helps Bucky feel a bit more human again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	open up your arms and save my life

**Author's Note:**

> okay so I saw this post on tumblr http://okayophelia.tumblr.com/post/81970673564/a-superficial-detail-about-winter-soldier-led-to-a and it got me thinking and then this happened.
> 
> also, holy crap i wrote a fic over 1000 words, that never happens.
> 
> title is from pieces - stone sour
> 
> un - beta'd con crit and improvements are welcome

After Bucky leaves him on the edge of the Potomac, Steve makes the conscious decision not to go after him; he must have remembered something about their friendship to have dragged him out of the river. The cracks in his programming must have been beginning to show, and if Bucky needed the time and space to find out who he was, then Steve would give him that, he owed him that much anyway.

Steve’s patience is rewarded, when two months later he arrives back to his apartment after a meeting at the new Shield HQ. To find Bucky on his couch, body coiled so tight and muscles strung so taut he looks like he’s ready to run, eyes manic and pain filled. He looked like shit. “Buck?” Steve tries, careful not to startle him, Bucky swivels round to face him “I remember, I know you” He utters it with such reverence, like a child reciting a prayer. Steve’s heart stutters, this is too good to be true “I know you, Steve” Bucky says again before promptly passing out on the couch.

Bucky slept for a full 36 hours, while Steve kept a constant vigil at his side. He made the necessary calls to Natasha and Fury promising to keep them updated on Bucky’s condition, should his mental state change. Secretly though, Steve was just glad to finally have Bucky back, there was a small part of him that worried Bucky would always remain as the Winter Soldier. However seeing him there proved a testament to Bucky’s strength. When he finally wakes Steve can’t help but smirk as Bucky stretches out, cat like just like he would at their old apartment in Brooklyn. It’s enthralling to Steve seeing how beautiful Bucky still is after all these years.

“Morning Buck” he smirks as Bucky opens his eyes, slowly adjusting to his surroundings. He looks up at Steve and manages a small smile “Hey Stevie” he whispers, voice gravelly with disuse. “You hungry?” Steve asks “Starving”.

Slowly Steve manages to coax information out of Bucky about what he remembers. It’s not much; Bucky manages to recall winters at the orphanage, the trip to Coney Island, and the train. Bucky nearly breaks down when he says it, but Steve takes his hand in his and holds him through the tears. He’s here with him now, till the end of the line.

A few weeks later Bucky comes to Steve while he’s sat in the window alcove sketching the city in the early evening light. “Can you cut my hair?” he asks hesitantly “Wouldn’t you want to do it yourself Buck?” Steve replied. Obviously that was the wrong answer; Steve internally curses himself as Bucky averts his gaze to the floor and draws his arms close to his chest “I-I don’t trust myself to do it Steve, you see a pair of scissors, I see a potential weapon” Bucky draws in a shuddering breath, desperately trying to hold his fractured body and soul together. Steve holds back the tears at witnessing his best friends’ obvious anguish; this was all part of the recovery he reminded himself. Bucky needed these little things, if that’s what it took to make him feel human again.

“Sure thing Buck, just so long as you don’t mind a wonky haircut” Bucky manages to quirk his lips up into a smile in response.

Walking into the bathroom Steve sits on the floor, and Bucky nestles himself in front of him, pillowing his head on Steve’s shoulder. Although he wasn’t as vocally affectionate toward Steve as they were before, in fact he hasn’t said a whole lot in the weeks since he moved into the apartment, however the physical affection he still had for Steve more than made up for it. Steve inhales slightly taking in Bucky’s scent. He gets the metallic tang of gunpowder; the smell of ozone from explosions long past mixed in with the smell of stale sweat and crusted blood. “When was the last time you took a shower Buck?” Bucky stills in his arms “I guess I never really thought about it Steve” he states simply. Steve swallows the bile rising in his throat, of course they wouldn’t care to look after Bucky why would they? He was their machine, their asset. As long as he performed his basic functions, the rest didn’t matter to them. Steve shudders involuntarily at the thought of Bucky’s dehumanisation in the hands of Hydra “Well why don’t you have a shower first Buck?” “Sure thing Steve”.

He withdraws and gives Bucky the privacy to clean himself up. When he returns Bucky looks a little more human in a pair of grey sweats and one of Steve’s vest tops. He can no longer smell the acrid whiff of smoke and gun powder that lingered on Bucky before, one of the many mementos of his forgotten past. Bucky sits down and Steve nestles behind him and gets to work, he doesn’t utter a word while Steve cuts his hair, but as time wears on Bucky relaxes into Steve’s deft touch and Steve can’t help but smile at the normalcy of the situation. In another time their positions would have been reversed and it would have been Bucky doing this for Steve.

Bucky’s the first to break the silence “I did this once for you, didn’t I?” he remarks with an almost wistful look on his face, as he tries to recall the event. “We were going out dancing with some girls I met weren’t we?” He looks to Steve who nods at him to continue “You were complaining that your hair kept getting in your eyes, so I went and borrowed some scissors from Mrs…Mrs…”. “Lewinsky” they both say in unison. Steve chuckles at the memory as he manoeuvres Bucky round to cut the front of his hair “You cut my hair so short, I remember that girl took one look at me and she looked like wanted to run” He takes the scissors away “There all finished, you can have a look at my handiwork in the mirror” Bucky gets off the bed and walks over to the mirror and runs his hands tentatively through his hair with an almost contemplative look on his face “This looks better” he states “My hair was like this before, wasn’t it? I remember seeing the photos at the Smithsonian”. Steve can only manage a faint nod in response, because Bucky does truly look breath taking. Even in a pair of ratty sweats he looks just as flawless as he did 70 years ago, albeit he now carried numerous new scars and had a haunted look in his eyes that scared Steve to the core, but still he couldn’t deny that his feelings about the man hadn’t changed.

He didn’t feel the mattress dip until he noticed Bucky’s hand placed over his, “Thank you Steve” he breathed “Honestly Buck it was really-“ He was cut off by Bucky pressing his lips to his for a chaste kiss, Steve drew back suddenly and now it was his turn to look confused. Whereas Bucky on the other hand looked more certain then he had since he moved in the apartment “I remember this” he says with such conviction and surety, secretly Steve is glad he remembers this part of their relationship, he wasn’t quite sure how he was going to cope if Bucky didn’t remember.

“Well don’t just sit there gawping at me Rogers, you gonna kiss me or what” Bucky drawls with his old confidence and swagger. It’s not 2014 anymore, its 1938 again and there just two foolhardy kids messing around and learning about love. “Punk” he deadpans, before drawing Bucky in for a proper kiss. He tastes just like he used to, despite the years Bucky still kisses with the same fire and passion he did back when they were kids. When Steve does think about it, hell they may have both been incongruously thrown straight into the twenty first century without any instruction on how to make things normal again, but this, this felt right.


End file.
